"The Tortured Poets Department" is a song by the American singer-songwriter Taylor Swift and the title track of her eleventh studio album (2024). Swift wrote and produced the song with Jack Antonoff. A synth-pop song, "The Tortured Poets Department" incorporates hushed drums, sparkling synths arpeggios, and electronic sounds. Its lyrics satirize a relationship between two pretentious artists, referencing the poets Dylan Thomas and Patti Smith and the musician Charlie Puth.

Music critics compared the production to the music from the 1980s. There were mixed opinions about the song: some found it catchy and complimented the sarcastic tone, but some others found the lyrics awkward and overwritten. "The Tortured Poets Department" peaked at number three on the Billboard Global 200 and reached the top 10 on charts in Australia, Austria, Canada, Hong Kong, Ireland, New Zealand, the Philippines, Singapore, the UK, and the US.

Swift announced her eleventh original studio album, The Tortured Poets Department, at the 66th Annual Grammy Awards on February 4, 2024, during her acceptance speech for the Best Pop Vocal Album award. Shortly after the announcement, Swift's website enabled the album to be pre-ordered in vinyl, CD, cassette and digital format. Swift conceived The Tortured Poets Department amidst publicized reports on her personal life, including a breakup with the English actor Joe Alwyn and a brief romantic linking with the English musician Matty Healy. She described it as her "lifeline" album which she "really needed" to make; Republic Records released The Tortured Poets Department on April 19, 2024.

The title track, "The Tortured Poets Department", is number two on the album's standard track listing. It is a synth-pop song built on hushed drums, sparkling synths arpeggios, and electronic sounds. Chris Willman of Variety thought that the track has a "summer breeze mode" with a "jangly-guitar-pop" sound reminiscent of Swift's song "Mirrorball" (2020). According to Clash's Lauren Webb, the song has a 1980s power ballad sensibility that evokes the music of Roxette, Cutting Crew, and Phil Collins. Meanwhile, Bryan West from The Tennessean said that the track's "soft beat" recalls that of Swift's 2023 song "Suburban Legends".

The lyrics of "The Tortured Poets Departent" are about experiencing emotional turmoil and heartbreak in a relationship while also being introspective. In the lyrics, Swift's character recalls mutual friends of her and her partner, Lucy and Jack. John Wholmancher of Beats Per Minute interpreted the song's lyrics as satirical, adding that Swift acknowledges her inferiority to the artistic levels of Dylan Thomas and Patti Smith, and believes that achieving great artistry comes from embracing deep self-realization and creative integrity rather than fame. In the song's opening, "Who uses typewriters anyway?", Swift seems to question the use of vintage technology, as an expression of artistic struggle, rather, views the instrument as serving a visual purpose. She calls herself and her partner "modern idiots", a self-critique and awareness of their artistic limitations. Swift possibly desires to gain a deep, genuine engagement in her creative process that Thomas and Smith achieved.

Several music journalists complimented the production of "The Tortured Poets Department". In a ranking of all 31 tracks from The Anthology edition of the album, Billboard's Jason Lipsthuz ranked the track at number 11, highlighting the "light and unobtrusive" drums that leave space for Swift's voice and describing the south as a "synth fantasia". Tom Breihan of Stereogum praised the song as an earworm and selected it as one of the album's well-constructed tracks. Webb contended that the track contains "unchartered sonic ground" for Swift, specifically praising the nostalgic 1980s production by Antonoff. Lindsay Zoladz, writing for The New York Times, described "The Tortured Poets Department" as a "chatty, radiant" song that effectively portrays "the flushed delirium of a doomed romance".

There were criticisms of the lyrics as being overwritten or clunky, specifically the lyric, "You smoked, and then ate seven bars of chocolate, We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist. I scratch your head, you fall asleep, like a tattooed Golden Retriever." The said line became the subject of parodies online. In The Irish Times, Finn McRedmond wrote: "[Swift] leaves no space for the song to breathe, cramming in as many words as she can." Screen Rant's Lynn Sharpe placed the song 21st out of the 31 album tracks, deeming the songwriting "overly conversational" and "hyperspecific" that makes it distracting for listeners. Pitchfork's Olivia Horn called it a "winking" track that makes fun of Swift's self-seriousness but criticized how the lyrics' metaphors were ineffective. Business Insider's Callie Ahlgrim said the song succeeds with its intention of being "over-the-top corny and tongue-in-cheek amusing", but felt the production "sounds like an AI-created Midnights parody". On the contrary, Helen Brown of The Independent complimented Swift's lyricism: "I defy anyone not to lean into Swift's concisely charged storytelling."

Following the album's release, nine of its tracks debuted in the top 10 of the Billboard Global 200, with "The Tortured Poets Department" debuting and peaking at number three on the chart. Swift extended her total top 10 entries on the chart to 33. In the United States, the track opened at number four on the Billboard Hot 100. The track alongside 13 other songs from The Tortured Poets Department made Swift the first artist to occupy the entire top 14 of the Hot 100. In Australia, "The Tortured Poets Department" debuted at number three on the ARIA Singles Chart and she became the artist with the most simultaneous entries in a single week with 29. In the United Kingdom, it peaked at number three on the UK Singles Chart and extended her total top 10 entries in the country to 28.

Elsewhere, "The Tortured Poets Department" charted within the top 10 in Canada, New Zealand, the Philippines, Singapore, Hong Kong, Austria, India, Switzerland, and Luxembourg. The song also reached the top 20 in several other countries: number 11 in Malaysia, number 12 in Denmark, number 13 in the Middle East and North Africa (MENA) region, number 14 in Greece, number 15 in Sweden, number 16 in Portugal, Belgium, and South Africa, and number 19 in Latvia and Indonesia. It received a platinum certification from the Australian Recording Industry Association (ARIA) and a silver certification from the British Phonographic Industry (BPI).

Credits adapted from the liner notes of The Tortured Poets Department.

• Taylor Swift – lead vocals, songwriter, producer
• Jack Antonoff – producer, songwriter, Juno, pocket piano, cello, M1, programming, backing vocals
• Mikey Freedom Hart – bass, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, piano, B3 organ
• Michael Riddleberger – drums
• Evan Smith – synthesizer
• Zem Audu – synthesizer
• Laura Sisk – engineering, recording
• Oli Jacobs – engineering, recording
• Jack Manning – engineering assistance
• Jon Sher – engineering assistance
• Serban Ghenea – mixing
• Bryce Bordone – mix engineering
• Randy Merrill – mastering
• Ryan Smith – vinyl mastering

Chart performance for "The Tortured Poets Department"

Chart (2024)	Peak position
Argentina (Argentina Hot 100)	60
Australia (ARIA)	3
Austria (Ö3 Austria Top 40)	10
Belgium (Billboard)	16
Brazil (Brasil Hot 100)	55
Canada (Canadian Hot 100)	3
Croatia (Billboard)	24
Czech Republic (Singles Digitál Top 100)	32
Denmark (Tracklisten)	12
Finland (Suomen virallinen lista)	48
France (SNEP)	55
Global 200 (Billboard)	3
Greece International (IFPI)	14
Hong Kong (Billboard)	8
India (IMI)	10
Indonesia (Billboard)	19
Ireland (IRMA)	4
Italy (FIMI)	85
Latvia (LAIPA)	19
Luxembourg (Billboard)	10
Malaysia (Billboard)	11
MENA (IFPI)	13
New Zealand (Recorded Music NZ)	4
Norway (VG-lista)	28
Philippines (Billboard)	5
Poland (Polish Streaming Top 100)	72
Portugal (AFP)	16
Singapore (RIAS)	4
Slovakia (Singles Digitál Top 100)	32
South Africa (TOSAC)	16
Sweden (Sverigetopplistan)	15
Switzerland (Schweizer Hitparade)	10
UK Singles (OCC)	3
US Billboard Hot 100	4

Certifications for "The Tortured Poets Department"

Region	Certification	Certified units/sales
Australia (ARIA)	Platinum	70,000
United Kingdom (BPI)	Silver	200,000
Sales+streaming figures based on certification alone.